WTF is Fairy Tail On?
by simsgal
Summary: A bunch of oneshots or even small canons that are a parody of Fairy Tail. I will be covering most cliches like the Mary Sue, Lisanna is being a bully, Lucy quits, A new Dragon slayer, and more. Rated T for language. This is a parody, please support the official release idk they always say that for abridges so yeah check it out Zeref approves
1. Chapter 1

WTF IS FAIRYTAIL ON?

**By simsgal**

**This fanfiction is rated T for teen because of some language and innuendos. If you get offended lol this is fanfic get over it**

**This is also a semi-parody meaning things will not make sense and I'll purposely write awful and spell names wrong for comedic effect (though I fail at it so I'll just look like an illiterate sh*t)**

**It's mosty a bunch of random shit. It takes place at random times—like it could be before the timeskip sometimes or after it sometimes. I'll usally state the arc or whatever.**

**Hell knows I don't own Fairytail. Belongs to Mr. Hiro Mashima.**

**CHAPTER ONE idk MARY SUE CHAPTER sure yeah**

It was a quiet day in Fairytail. Knotsu and Grae were at eachothers throats again and Gooviya (pronounced Joo-via) was admiring from afar. Loosy was at the bar and Levee was reading a good book titled _Fifty Shades of Mage. _Gosheel was eating iron while doing pushups and lifting his cat, PantryDaisy on his back. Mirrorjane was wiping down the bar, silently humming a death chant. A door slam was heard and a beautiful girl stepped out of Master Moporoff's office. Grae and Knotsu and just about every guy in the guild turned to gawk at her.

She had long, dark brown wavy hair down to her knees, and porcelain skin her body was slim yet she had ample breasts and a nice butt her left eye was blue and strangely the right was green she wore a white short sleeve crop top with a leather pocket black high wasted leather shorts leather fingerless gloves and black leather combat boots her lips were in a frown, because of reasons no one knew yet. Suddenly Grae tried to walk over to her but Knotsu used his magic so he could go over instead.

_Knot Dragon Slayer Magic: BOWTIE!_

Grae was tied up quickly and dropped to the ground as Knotsu dashed over checked out the girl.

"Hey bitch I'm Natsu what your name?" he asked as she smiled.

" Jamie Hikari Sentia Katsumi Mayama Katyaka Hina Madusiko Satoshi. I really like guild it nice." She said loking around. "I glad I can join."

"Ur really pretty Jame Hikari Sentia Katsumi HOLY HELL YOU HAVE A LONG NAME" Knotsu said while gasping for air.

"Not as pritty as all the girls in the intire gild." She said lucking at Conna, Loosy, Gooviya, Mirrorjane, and erry1 else. Loosy smiled.

"Wow, ur really nice Jamie Hikari Sentia Katsumi okay f*ck this shit I'm calling you Mary Sue." She said while walking over from the bar. No one could believe how nice she was.

"I'm glad we're all best frins- thanks for lettin me join teem knotsu." She said jumping for joy.

"OKAY GUISE LETS GO ON A JOB—GRAE, KNOTSU, LOOSY, CHEERY, AND JAMIE HIKARI SENTIA KATSUME MAYAMA KATYAKA HINA MADUSIKO SATOSHI!" Airzah screamed as they all ran out to do a job.

They had to ride in carrije to get to evil gild to fite. Knotsu had got over moshun sick so Jamie sat in his lap giggle. Loosy wus so jelly steam was coming out of her ears. Airzuh was enjoy sum strawberry cake when she luk over to Jamie.

"Jamie—do u want my strawberry cake? You can have it I don wunt it." She said and Jamie gasped. She tuk cek and ate it really fast and she gain no weight at all.

When they got to the place Jamie gasped.

"I kno this place guise." She said beginning to sob.

_I must git revenj on him _she thought angrily as her eyes turned dark red.

Every1 was KO'd except fot Jamie Hikaria Sentia Katsumi Mayama Katyaka Mayama Madusiko Satashi. She was laying in the ground, her har cuver eyes as she stood up.

"wut majick u even do ur a weakling u know dat?" sed an eveil guyy "Tbh I rather take pics of ur butt not kick it." She snarled and wiped the blood from her nose.

"I tried to hold back but im finish."

_CLONE MAGIC: DOUBLE!_

Jamie smirk bc there was 2 of her. The guys mouth dropped as his eyes turned to hearts and he got a nose bleed bc there were 2 Jamies. Suddenlt, both joined hands.

_UNISON RAID!_

Even tho it was really hard for sum1 to do a unisun rayed she did it as a bright beam blind eveil guise and blew up entire guild except for Airzuh, Loosy, Grae, and Knotsu and Cheery. She then smiled and and went to her best friends.

"gud job mary. That was amazing." Loosy said chuckling.

"how are we get 2 gild?" grae said wincng at the immense pain in his ribs bc they were broken. Jamie noticed and gasped running over to him. she then kneeled over him and a blue magic circle appeared above his chest.

_WIND MAGIC: HEAL!_

She began to heal grae rilly fast bc she could use 2 magic.

"All better." She said standing up as he hugged her, aso stand up.

"thx." Knotsu's head got big and he got a red thingy in corner of hed.

"HOW WE GET BAK 2 GILD?" Jamie had a great idea. She dragged erry1 close and close eyes.

_TELEPORT MAGIC: FAIRY TAIL GUILD_

and in flash they were bak at guild and on the floor. They all stood up, and jamie healed them all but did not run out majick pwr. Airzuh was so amazed she walk over and pressed jamie head to her armur wit thud.

"ur amazing jamie, what is ur majick?" jamie eye turned lite blue as she begin to cry.

"well it curse frum witch put on me when I was a bby. She said when I get older I'd be uhlee af and fat bc I am ugly and fat." Airzuh gasped.

"NO UR NOT STFU UR BEAUTIFUL DON'T U KNOW THAT UR PERF LIKE I S2G" she said as she comfort jamie.

"yeah jamie ur our bff for life." Jamie smiled, erryone was being so nice on her first day.

"I do majick majick." Master eye widen.

"MAJICK MAJICK? HOLY SH*T BITCH!" he said as his eyes got big.

"it when I do all majick in world ever invented." Master smirked.

"Only one person in the entire world can do majick majick." Jamie blushed lookin down.

"dat me." She beamed. "I do ice, fire, knot, loose , air, wind, con, god slayer, dragon slayer, universe slayer, all script, art, writing, reading, breathing, eating singing, making ppl fall in luv wit me magic. I do soap magic, draw majik, orlando majik, and I do all other majik." She then put her face down.

"only magic I cant do is mary sue magic im so weak, I bet is suck." She began yo scream cry .

"no u stronk jamie." Suddenly a bang was herd err1 ran out and saw attak frum evil gild. Wif a blast everry1 was KO'd essept for jamie who blok attack with nullify majick and then she began fly with aero majick. She then used god slayer magick to kill everyone with a single kick and her outfits also transfrom with diff majick so now she wore a light blue long sleeve shir wit rip on side white booty short and her hair became bright blonde woth blue streaks and her eyes turned gold and her feet were bare she wore a gold cape had a glowing gold aura. She went back downt to ground and heal everybody and still had magick power. Everyone thank her and they all went back inside for ceremony.

" I say something important." Master says smiling.

"jamie is s class wizurd now even tho it her furst day." Everyone clapped and cheered for her as she cry tears of joy.

"but why—I bad at majick." Knotsu came up behind her n smack her but then smile mischeiously.

"no ur great u save world good job jamie." They were about to kiss when suddenly Zeref ran in.

"NO GOD DAMMIT SHE IS A F*CKING MARY SUE STOP IT RIGHT NOW I S2G I WILL END YOU WTF WHY DO YOU ALL TALK LIKE FOOLS DO YOU EVEN GRAMMAR IN THE NAME OF FANFICTION CUT THIS SHIT OUT RIGHT THE F*CK NOW OR I WILL SUMMON ACNOLOGIA ON UR SAGGY ASSES." He said while getting a dark ball of majick In hand. He then threw it at jamie and she cud not dodge but knotsu got in the way and die for her as she cried.

"KNOTSU NOOO!" she then power up and got mad .

"No sorry bitch." Zeref said as he threw another dark orb of darkness at her it her her she died painfully the end.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2 LISANNA THE B*TCH AND OTHER STUFF chapter yeah **

**This fanfiction is rated T for teen because of some language and innuendos. If you get offended lol this is fanfic get over it**

**This is also a semi-parody meaning things will not make sense and I'll purposely write awful and spell names wrong for comedic effect (though I fail at it so I'll just look like an illiterate sh*t)**

**It's mosty a bunch of random shit. It takes place at random times—like it could be before the timeskip sometimes or after it sometimes. I'll usally state the arc or whatever.**

**Hell knows I don't own Fairytail. Belongs to Mr. Hiro Mashima.**

**Loosy's Point of View**

I was just sitting in the guild minding my business like I always do when Listanna walked up to me. Scowling, she poured my drink all over my white mini-skirt.

"OH LOOK, LOOSY ON PERIOD HAHA!" she snickered while everyone else laughed at me. I sat there and did nothing as tears welled in my eyes. Knotsu came up and put his arm around Listana smiling.

"Dam I misst u Listana." They theh began make out as I stood up.

"WHY ARE YOU BEING SUCH A BIATCH?" Listana pulled away and pushed me against the bar.

"U was just a replacement for me bitch u aint on my level." Listana said smacking Loosy. "Ur a slut and the only reason ppl wanted u here was 4 fanservice." I began to sob and dropped to ground. Grae, Airzuh, Conna, Gooviya and erry1 else beegin 2 laff as I cry.

"Listana telin the truf. No 1 want u here Loosy u just cheep replesmint." Conna says as she drink more wine.

"Uhlee slut."

"Thot."

"Mini-skirt floosy." Listana beamed.

"I KNO LET CALL HER FLOOSY LOOSY HAHAHA!" every1 began chanting the name as I ran out of the guild crying. I ran into my home and gasp as Listana in my kitchen talk to all my spirits. She tell them mean secret and I cry more bc she's so mean ppl never told me she was so mean. I wus not tryna replace her just be friend of Knotsu.

Back at gild tomorrow I happy bc Listana not here yet. I drink in peese wearing black mini skurt n wite tank top and listen to erry1 around talk about me. Ever since Listana came back frum Crapdolas ppl were mean bc of her. Every day she be mean n she bully me she such bitch! I cringed as I heard door slam open and I hurd crool laugh. I turn arund see Listanna and Knotsu and Airzuh and Grae.

"That was great job guise." I approached them.

"U not invite me guise..?" they all look around.

"I'm srry did u hear sumn?" listana says looking rite past me. Knotsu pull Listana closer as I gulp.

"ur weak loosy, listana much better she actually help fite." Airzuh said smirking.

"ur just a D.I.D." Grae added crossing his arms.

"DOG IN DISTRESS!" every1 burst out laughing as I got angry.

"STOP Y EVERY1 SO MEAN 2 ME?!"

"YOU MAKE GILD WEAK"

"WITHOUT KEYS U USELESS."

As ppl said dis to me I frowned at them and began to walk out guild.

I went home.

**AT GUILD**

Conna sat drink beer.

"Why we so meen to Loosy anyway? She help me in S class exam."

"That didn't happen yet Conna we not at that chapter." Shelfman said as she looked around nervously and sweat drop really big,

"idk listana returning triggered some sort of fanfiction revelation."

"what type?"

"for sum reason before she go to crapdolas she wus all nice but now she a bitch idk why." Conna added thinking. Listana climbed up on a table and smirked.

"SEE" she yell clapping. "NOW WIT LOOSY GON WE CUN BE STRONK AAGAIN SHE WEEK WE DON'T NEED HER I BACK!" Knotsu punch job request bord.

"SHUT UP LISTANA!" Listana got wide eyed.

"Kn-Knotsu.. wat wrong?" Natsu glared out her.

"BITCH DON'T TALK ABOUT MY BFF LIKE THAT WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU UR SO FAKE YOU KNOW THAT LISTANA OMFG WHAT ARE YOU EVEN" Knotsu began b4 compose himself.

"y u defend floosy loosy?" listana said raising eyebrow get scared.

"Bc.. bc… LOOSY MY BFF OKAY, SHE MY BEST FRAN SHE NOT WEAK AND SHE GOT NICE BODY OK U USED TO BE MY BFF WELL GESS WUT NOW UR REPLACED." Airzuh also stood up on the tebl.

"KNOTSU IS RIGHT! HOW MANY OF U HAVE BEEN PERSONALLY VICTIMIZED BY LISTANA STRAWS?" she asked. Erry1 raised hand and nod at eachother.

"KNOTSU IS NOT DA BABY DADDY ANYWAY!" Knotsu got off the table and danced and shit and was happy he wasn't the baby daddy.

"MAY THE ODDS BE EVER IN UR FAVOR, KATNISS!"

"WHO THE HELL IS KATNISS WRONG FANFICTION WTF ARE U TYPING?" (author: oh sorry lemme just DEAL WITH IT)

Listana began cry bc ppl be mean to her.

"y u so meen 2 loosy?" mirrorjane ask putting her hand on her shoulder.

"bc.. I feel like after I fake die she replace me and I fell like ppl like her better and that she prittier and idk why im being so mean tbh its like theres this site called fanfiction and like on there ppl make me really mean to her."

"GROOVIA!"

"KNOLOO!"

"JAIRZUH!"

"wut are dat?" Conna stud up smile.

"on fanfiction ppl do thing called ship who ppl date." They all nodded. Suddenly loosy came in and her tears gone. She had a macbook and starbucks and was wear leggings and hollister hoodie wit hair in topknot.

"listana rite on fanfiction ppl make listana really mean 2 me." They read sum and Gosheel and Levee widen eye.

"WTF IS THIS?" they say read M rated GajeelxLevy fanfic.

"OH GOD WHY?" they say look at many much more m rated fanfic. Listana gasped bc ppl ship knotsu and loosy instead knotsu n listana. She began to cry.

_TAKEOVER: GIANT BIRD THING!_

She became giant bird thing and rip out loosy ovaries and then fly away as loosy shrivel up on ground bleeding to death. Everyone was so busy read fanfiction they ignore loosy as she bleed more and more.

Listana came bak as human n smile at Loosy.

"U will not have knotsu babies now I will." She smile at loosy and step on her neck and then she ran over to knotsu leaned on his arm loosy bled to deff the end.


	3. Chapter 3

WTF is Fairytail On?!

**This fanfiction is rated T for teen because of some language and innuendos. If you get offended lol this is fanfic get over it**

**This is also a semi-parody meaning things will not make sense and I'll purposely write awful and spell names wrong for comedic effect (though I fail at it so I'll just look like an illiterate sh*t)**

**It's mosty a bunch of random shit. It takes place at random times—like it could be before the timeskip sometimes or after it sometimes. I'll usally state the arc or whatever.**

**Hell knows I don't own Fairytail. Belongs to Mr. Hiro Mashima.**

**Chapter 3- Fairy Tail in da hood part 1**

**Hey y'all welcome to the first mini-canon: Fairytail in da hood! In case you do not know what the hood is for some unknown reason, it means the ghetto areas of town where theres lots of gang violence and drugs and f*ck it just google it. Due to the theme of the chapter (hood, ghetto, black people like myself ;P) I will be using some black terms as well as "the n word" starred out.**

Knotsu wakes up and search for his phone on bed. That bitch was ringin real loud and he wanted it to stop. He found it and knocked Levy off his bed because she was on top of it. He knocked Listana off too for da helluvit. He answered da phone and coughed.

"What you want n****? I'm busy bruh." He say smacking Conna ass as she laughs and drinks more Ciroc off da nighstand.

"Bruh u needa get down here to Maury." Grae said on da otha end b4 putting out a roll.

"Wtf why n**** I aint you babymama tf?" Grae groaned.

"Man u gay I didn't say dat shit—just hurry Loosy on some bad shit down here." He hung up as Knotsu groaned and get outta bed.

"Damn, Grae a gay facedass sucka he know dat or nah?" he hopped in da shower and rapped some lil boosie while he lathered his hair, it aint pink doe its salmon cuh salmon manly doe; he got on and threw on a black t-shirt, cargo shorts, and fresh new kds because he stay looking clean. He was bout to dip when he froze in his tracks.

"AY I WANT ALL Y'ALL HO'S OUT MY HOUSE WHEN I GET BACK YA HEAR?!" he shouted b4 slammin the door.

Knotsu lived in da worst part of da ghetto—Magnolia. Dere was crime errwhere, people stealing, and drive bys. But no one even touched ya boy because he was part of da best gang on da block—Fairy Tail.

Fairytail was ran by a crime boss named Moporoff Drier, an old guy yet he knew his stuff bout da money, da good, and do hos.

But dat aint important right now wuts important is dat Knotsu gotta go down to Maury because of his ex girl Loosy but he don't know it yet I'm finna not tell him either he gon be so shocked facedassed ahaha anyway so he walkindown the block, getting looks from cats and sizes from fine girls.

He turned da corner noddin at some his homiez and den finally got to the Maury studio. He walked in like he owned dat bitch and came through da audience and climbed up on the stage and he saw his ex Loosy. She was lookin fine tho, in a mini skirt and pink tube top. He sat in da chair next hers, and nodded at her as she huffed and rolled her eyes. He shook it off. Maury shook his head.

"Foo why didn't you come from backstage?" he asked lookin at Knotsu like he was stupid.

"Because you ain't my moms bruh." Knotsu said before crossing his arms behind his head and leaning back. "AY GIRL,YEAH YOU COME GIMME A FOOTRUB BRUH" da girl listended as Knotsu signaled Maury to continue.

"So, Loosy, you here 2day because you try to keep tellin Knotsu dat little KnoLoosa is his baby?" Loosy nodded fast.

"Maury I know Knotsu da daddy!" Knotsu shot up.

"OH UH UH THOT WATCH OUT CUUUH DON'T PLAY DAT IS NOT MY BABY!" he said as everyone booed him. A picture of KnoLoosa was put on da screen behind them. Loosy got up and went over to it.

"SEE MAURY DAT BABY LOOK JUST LIKE KNOTSU SHE GOT HIS EYEBROWS! AND HIS CHIN LOOK!" KnoLoosa had black hair and green eyes. The crowd clapped and agreed as Knotsu sucked his teeth.

"Bruh you kidding me dat ain't my chin girl you trippin mane." He said before slouching down in his seat." Maury chuckled.

"Well, we gon take a lie detector test and sh*t and see if you lyin my n****, right after da break y'all" the recording light went off and they pulled Knotsu backstage for a Lie detector test. He sat in a room and hooked him up to da machine.

"So Knotsu, you ever been wit more den one woman at once?" Knotsu scoffed.

"Ya foo! I am a playa I pull left and right left and right." The man nodded.

"Knotsu, do you think Loosy was cheating on you in da relationship?" Knotsu suddenly got heartfelt.

"Actually bruh, I think Loosy a real nice girl. She would never do nothin like dat. She caring, funny, and not a hoe at all. I really loved her but you know things change, like the sunset." The man squinted at Knotsu.

"Bruh, you gay." He said before pulling him back onstage. They swabbed his ear real quick and dey left to test it. Loosy walked up to Knotsu as the cameras went rolling again.

"Knotsu I hope you know dat baby yours, she look JUST like you n****!" she said rolling her neck.

"No it aint I swear I wrap it up you just tryna get some jewels bruh."

"You a broke foo shut up." She said laughing as the crowd did too and clapped.

"AHEM YALL SHUT THE F*CK UP AND SIT DOWN now we got da results bak just now dat quick. We took a lie test and da first question was has knotsu ever had 2 girls at once. He said ya and that was true." The crowd gasped and Loosy glared at him as he shrugged. "We also ask did her think loosy was cheating. He said no, but da answer is yes she a ho man just look at her but we gon say you wrong just because, knotsu said yes he did believe she was cheatin" everyone gasped as Maury opened da DNA test. Der was a drumroll.

"He da daddy he da daddy he da daddy." Loosy said as he read it.

"KNOTSU.., YOU ARE NOT THE DADDY!" Knotsu got up and flipped off errbody.

"AAAYYYY I TOLD YOU MY N*****! TOLD U U SALTY OR NAAAAHHHHHH" he then began to Nae nae. "HUUAAAAHHH!" he said as he laugh in Loosy face.

Loosy begin cry and ran back stage sobbing real loud.

"B-b-b-bruh he t-t-t-to ser-serios mane!" she said sobbing. Knotsu jumped off the stage and then walked out the studio. He was done wit dat sh*t. He went to grab himself some Mickey D's and then go look at fine honeys wit Grae and Gosheel.

**So yeah. Good for Natsu I guess. No child support for him! But I wonder who's baby it was… hmmm…**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: HEY GUYS MY INTERNET WENT SHITCAKE ON ME SO I HAVE TO GO TO THE LIBRARY TO UPDATE I AM FO SURE CONTINUING THIS STORY**

WTF is Fairytail On?!

**This fanfiction is rated T for teen because of some language and innuendos. If you get offended lol this is fanfic get over it**

**This is also a semi-parody meaning things will not make sense and I'll purposely write awful and spell names wrong for comedic effect (though I fail at it so I'll just look like an illiterate sh*t)**

**It's mosty a bunch of random shit. It takes place at random times—like it could be before the timeskip sometimes or after it sometimes. I'll usally state the arc or whatever.**

**Hell knows I don't own Fairytail. Belongs to Mr. Hiro Mashima.**

**Chapter 4- Unrealistic, Fluffy Pairing Chapter part 1**

**POSSIBLE SPOILER CHAPTER**

One day Airzuh Skarlett was just relax in ferry tale gild. She wuz thinkin about wen she wus yunger and had to bild a pagan sacrifice bildin wit frens jaylol, mellionna, show, and symun. She kno dat symun die for her and it make hur felt bad. It wus jus like wif unkle rawb, who die fur airzuh as wel. Then she got to thinkin bout jaylol. Jaylol foonundez, sum1 she like a lot, plus he gave her last name (skarlett). She had hyuuj krush on jaylol n cudnt fynd huhself 2 tel him. Knotsu and grae wer fite aginn.

"u suk grae loosy luv me!" knotsu sed, getting knot dragin slayir powr reddie. Grae growled.

"dood loosy luv me ur a peese of shit." Grae sed, gooviya groned. Loosy cemup wear mini-skirt as usual. (im done with the bad grammar for now, its too hard to write stupid lol).

"I don't luv eether of u! I luv my mini-skirts!" (**guess not kinda**) grae and knotsu stil fite tho. Finally airzuh siyed.

"STOP FIGHTING OH MY GOD I S2G I'LL FUKIN UNFOLLOW U ON INSTAGRAM" they both stopped fighting and airzuh glared at them. She wasn't in the mood for either knotsu or grae's bullshit.

"whats wrong?" knotsu asked b4 grae punched him. "DOOD I WUS ASKING MY FREN WUTS WRONG U DOOSH NOZZLE" grae shrugged.

"idc." He then took his shirt off and went to drink a beer b4 conna drank them all.

Airzuh didn't really want to talk about it. She was in luv with jaylol but cudnt tell no one, JAYLOL WAS EEVIL. He tried to kill her frens n was a weirdo.

"I luv jaylol." She told knotsu. Knotsu gasped.

"BISH WHET ! HE EEVIL U CANT BE LIKING PPL ON THE WRONG TEAM!"

"team lightskin?" loosy beamed, her eyes glowing. Knotsu squinted his onyx eyes at her.

"ur really dum. U know that rite bish?" loosy lowered her gaze and held in a tear as she continued to drink her beverage. Knotsu really shut her down. "anyway, u cant like jaylol hunny, he's evil and tried to kill us."

"I'M SORRY!" jaylol ran in, panting. Airzuh gasped. "AIRZUH SKARLETT IM IN LOVE WITH YOU I LOVE YOU, OKAY?" airzuh smiled. "perhaps okay can be our always."

"okay." Airzuh said approaching jaylol.

"okay." Jaylol said looking airzuh in the eyes.

"Omg stop flirting with me!" she said, blushing.

"WUT THE FUK NO!" suddenly zeref came in. "BISH THIS IS NOT THE FAULT IN OUR STARS WTF ARE YOU TYPING?" everyone just stared. Conna shot up.

"zeref r ur eyes okay?" she asked. zeref put on some sun glasses.

"yeah, theyre just not in my head, that's all." Someone gasped.

"UR DOING IT TOO NIGGA!" zeref sucked his teeth and took the glasses off.

"anyway," he flipped hies evil hair. "jaylol ur evuil. U cant luv airzuh. Im da only lovable evil villin in dis storrie."

"NO I LUV HER." Knotsu clapped and so did erry1 else. Suddenly knotsu fergot jaylol was very evil and tried to kill his frens and trapped kids in a bilding to revive an evil god.

"STOP ZEREF U CANT GET IN DA MIDDLE OF TRUE LOVE IDC IF JAYLOL EVIL U A COCKBLOCK" zeref gathered a dark ball of energy.

"YALL CANT BE TOGETHER DAMMIT THIS WONT WORK THIS ISNT FANFICTION!" loosy stood up and had a macbook and starbucks and was wearing leggings and a PINK hoodie.

"YA THIS IS SEE LOOK ON DIS SITE!" they all looked around onn the computer.

"WTF WE ALREADY DID THIS!" zeref got madder and madder. Suddenly he released the dark ball and it hit jaylol.

"NO HE HIT ME! IM DYING! AIRZUH SAVE ME!" airzuh shrugged and yonned.

"ur right zeref jaylol evil I'll jus love grae instead."

"BOOO!" gooviya said.

"I DON'T SHIP IT GO KNOLOO!" knotsu turned red.

"I don't ship me and loosy." Knotsu said Listana clapped bc mayb she cud get wit knotsu "I ship me and grae." Grae turned slowly and threw up, bc boyxboy was gross to him.

Then airzuh threw up. "EW YAOI GOD NO PLEASE"

Then jaylol drowned in airzuh throw up.

Then loosy threw up on listana, who threw up on conna, who didn't throw up but did have an asthma attack. Seeing all of this zeref laughed evilly. He gathered his dark ball of energy and aimd it at ferry tale gild even tho he was inside. But then he threw up.

"WHY ARE WE ALL THROWING UP?" someone asked scared. Mirror jane covered her nose it stank so bad like bad weave

"BC WE ALL PREGNANT!" sum1 else sed.

"from who?" then Jamie Hikari Sentia Katsumi Mayama Katyaka Hina Madusiko Satoshi walked in. she flipped her long brown hair.

"FROM ME!" she shouted. Zeref got up and wiped his mouth. He was furious.

"NO DAMMIT BISH I ENDED UR LIFE I S2G I DID IN CHAPTER ONE WHY ARE U HERE U KNOW WHAT THIS CHAPTER IS OVER!"

"NO ILL SAVE US!" Jamie Hikari Sentia Katsumi Mayama Katyaka Hina Madusiko Satoshi said powering up into god slayer form.

"sorry no bitch." he made another dark ball and blew up entire fairy tail gild except himself and ran away and changed his name to lupito sacrementez and got a job in a carpet factory and on the side he made fake ipads the end.


	5. Chapter 5

WTF is Fairytail On?!

**This fanfiction is rated T for teen because of some language and innuendos. If you get offended lol this is fanfic get over it**

**This is also a semi-parody meaning things will not make sense and I'll purposely write awful and spell names wrong for comedic effect (though I fail at it so I'll just look like an illiterate sh*t)**

**It's mosty a bunch of random shit. It takes place at random times—like it could be before the timeskip sometimes or after it sometimes. I'll usally state the arc or whatever.**

**Hell knows I don't own Fairytail. Belongs to Mr. Hiro Mashima.**

**Chapter 5- lucy's dreams**

**Hey yall you know the "random shit" I was talking about earlier. Yeah. This chapter.**

Loosy sat at uzual spot at bar. Mirrorjane wuz make Loosy a nice drank as Knotsu and Grae eye da job reekwest bord.

"Dam I'm brok as hel bruh." Grae says qwietlee as he luk for job.

"niggy we all know u broke, u bathe wit 2 peeces of broken sope." Knotsu saiz.

"bitch wut did u say u tryna fite bitch u got hands?" grae says taking off his shirt.

"tuch mi bitch. Tuch. Mi." knotsu says crossin his legs as he sit on da bench smurking at da ice majick wizzurd. Grae sighs and cuntinue luk for job bc he ashually did bathe with two broken peeces of soap dat morning.

"I FOWND SUMTHING!" grae shouts, snatching it off the bord. Suddinly, gosheel, knotsu, airzuh, loosy, n windy all aroud him. "OH HAYL NO UH UH I AM NOT SPLITTING DIS MUNNY WIT YALL." He say get mad.

"bitch I had rommen noodles wrapped around hawt dawgs for diner last nite gimme dat paper." Loosy says reeding it.  
"Okay so all we needa do is reed dis spel. I'll do it."evrry1 raized an eyebrow ans shruged.

"BODY-CHANGUS, GET A DIKKUS, GET SOME TITTUS, SWAPURU!" she ch. Nothing even hapin.

"Wtf? Was somethin suppose happen orr?" gosheel asks, but suddenly he felt it. There were giant puffs a pink smoke. Da first one to chang was windy. She glans down at hur bodi and screamed—she was A BOY! She looked into her pants and faynted.

"OH SHIT!" grae said—he luk down and sees he got a nice, thick black girl body. "BRUH IM KINDA BADD THO." His blak hair was all da way down past his badonkadonk booty and he had kurves4daize yo. Knotsu looked down and noticed he also was a girl.

"DUDE CHECK OUTT MAAAN I GOT TITTEESS AYYYY!" meenwhile grae wus twerking and lookin back at it. Gosheel covered his face bc he was bad bodied and still muscular and looked ruff as hell and had no booty or boobs.

"dam gosheel look ruff af." Loosy commented—her voice was deep and she got hecka tall. Gosheel slapped him—her—loosy in da face and crossed her arms as mirrorjane turned on sum tyga.

"AAAAAYY" grae began to shake her booty on knotsu as they danced 2gether. Loosy took a pic to put on instagram.

"AYY TEAM SQUATLIFE!" gosheel was jealous and decided to beef on twitter.

"RACK CITY BISH RACK RACK CITY BISH—"

"OH MY GOD" Loosy at up and looked around—she was breathign heavy but in her room. Quikly she puled da cuvers bak n saw she was stil gurl. She siyed wit reeleef and put her feet on da grownd. She then smiled.

"TODAY I GO TO MAGCON AYY TURN UP!" she shouts as she stands up—she goes to closet and pix da most sluttiest outfit she can find. She took out galacksee crop tawp and blakk booty shorts. She put on her wyt vans and shreeked wit joy.

"DAMN BITCH SHUT UP!" knotsu screemed as he came out baffruem, only in a towl.

"KNOTS HERE?"

"bc im grown dats why." He says giving hir a look. She smiles.

"I get to go 2 magcon 2day." She says sighing happily.

"wut dat?" knotsu asks.

"U DON'T KNOW WHAT MAGCON IS OMFG WTF IS WRONG WITH U I CANT DEAL"

"you can deal."

"no I cant shut the hell up; anyway. Magkon is a ples wur u see NASH GRIER TAYLOR CANIFF AND OMG I CANT BREATHE ALL DA PURF BOYS OF VINE" knotsu lux at loosy like she is a crakkhed.

"wtf is vine?" she gasps again. "stop gasping it makes u sound thirsty." He says. Suddenly grae comes out the bathroom two only wearin a towel. He wraps his arms around knotsu's waist and whispers in his ear. "baeee stop loosy rite dere." Knostsu whine blushing Loosy gags.

"OH MY GOD YAOI NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

"HOLY SHIT!" loosy shoots up again and looks around. She pulls da cuvers bak and screams really loud. Wendy comes out da bathroom

"WHATS WRONG?" wendy screamed too bc lucy's body was a roach! SHE HAD DA HEAD OF A HUMAN AND BODY OF A ROACH NIGGA OH MY GOD her roach legs were flailing all up as she screemed,her eyes wyd

Suddenly lucy woke up on her couch. She shot up and noticed a plate of rommin noodelz rapped arownd hot dogs half eeten and sighed.

"I gotta stop eating dat shit be4 bed.. WELL OFF TO STARBUCKS!" but b4 she get reddi she gets on her phone. "Siri, what is magcon?"

"ur mom bitch." Loosy gasped and began to cry. "stop crying u mini skirt ass ditz ur breath stank go bathe."

"okay siri." Loosy said sadly as she got up sniffling.

Loosy got ready in da bathroom and was abut to leeve but 4sum reeson da door wudnt open. She was stuk in da hosuse and suddenly A FYR STARTED BC SHE LEFT HER CURLER ON OH SHIT DAMN *narrarator leaves*

"REALLY BRUH?" she yells. Lucy house catch on fyr and she burns up and turn to ash and dies painfully the end.

**Im sorry this might not be funny to you but this was so funny to me im sorry im a terrible person**


	6. Chapter 6

WTF is Fairytail On?!

**This fanfiction is rated T for teen because of some language and innuendos. If you get offended lol this is fanfic get over it**

**This is also a semi-parody meaning things will not make sense and I'll purposely write awful and spell names wrong for comedic effect (though I fail at it so I'll just look like an illiterate sh*t)**

**It's mosty a bunch of random shit. It takes place at random times—like it could be before the timeskip sometimes or after it sometimes. I'll usally state the arc or whatever.**

**Hell knows I don't own Fairytail. Belongs to Mr. Hiro Mashima.**

**Chapter 6- LUCY QUITS CLICHÉ CHAPTER**

Loosy wuz enjoyin hir tym at da Ferry Tel gild. She smyl az she thunk abowt al da tym she spint dere. Al da fyt, al da fun, and all da drank. Moest uv all she thot abowt her nokkumuh, how dey al had eechutha bax, n how dey wuz homiez. It wuz like errtime she kneeded halp knotsu grae n airzuh wud come sev hur no matir wat : wineva she got kidnap, wineva she hurt, wineva wutaver. Wen loosy finellie git 2 gild she walk in hapi; but erry1 els is sylent and luk rite at her. Loosy chukkle nurvisly, wat wuz goin on?

"hai conna!" loosy saiz to hir drinkin frend. Conna stairz loosy an shek hir hed b4 drinkin barryl of wine. Instead loosy goez up 2 mirrorjane and sit at da bar.

"hey mirrorjane, can I hav smoothie?" mirrorjane tirn around slowly wyl smiling.

"no u thirsty fanservice ass bish." Mirrorjane replied still smiling. Loosy eye widen n she swet drawped ril big.

"wut?"

"bein helpless is not a man." Shelfman sed shekking his hed.

"neether is bein a thottie." Listana said scowlin at da blawnd. Loosy gulped—wtf wuz goin on. She den felt a tap on hir shouldr wich wuz reveeled in a yelo tank top—she also wor a jeen mini skurt 2day. She turn 2 see bff, r.o.d, main shootaaa knotsu.

"knotsu wtf is goin on, erry1 is bein so weerd to me." She aks smilin. Knotsu cleer his throte.

"loosy we needa tok. Rite now. It impurtant." She clapz excitedly.

"Oh abowt wat?" gray luks at da floor, and airzuh browses thru instagram on her fone.

"we cem to D-sijjin dat ur a puthetic ho who iz yoosless n cant fite wittout keez." Knotsu saiz scratchin hiz hed. Loosy fes fell.

"we r kikkin u off da strongest teem." Airzuh kuntinyooed.

"n replesing u wit listana." Listana cheered n got n loosy fes.

"HA BISH WAT NOW BISH U AINT SO HOT NOW HUH BISH?" listana sed n loosy fes—the blawnd wuz about 2 cry.

"that enuff listana." Mastir moporoff dryer sed. He clymed on da cowntir and siyed. Listana bakked off and restd her hed on natsu, who kised do wyt-hair gurl 4hed.

"but y? I gud fo da teem, im kute do!"

"loosy hurtfellia." Mastir sed cleering throte. "sins u no lawnger part of strawngest team—and u was da reazon our gild had got deestroy by fantum lord; we kik u out uv ferry tale." Loosy gasp n fel to da grownd. She cudnt beleeve wut she wuz heer as teerz got in hur eyes, she cuver he mouf.

"NO U KANT, THINK OF ALL DA STUFF WE DID TOGETHA! AL A BATL! ALL DA LAFF!" knotsu laffed n erry1 laffed so hard they wuz crying.

"BRRUUUHHH IM DEEAADD loosy u funny." Grae sed wiping his teerz away. "bish u don't fite, all u do is get kidnaped n run out of magic pwer." He saiz crossing hiz arm as ppl stop laff.

"n get ur cloze ripped off." Airzuh saiz scowling at do blawnd gurl.

"the trooth is, ur completely yoosless esset 4 fansurvis." Conna adds. "I donut cur if u help me in s clas xam."

"that dint hapin yet conna." Mirrorjane wispurs singy-songy as conna swet drop rilly big n walked away. Loosy siyed. Sudinly, mirrorjane cem up n slap loosy rilly hard on da fes.

"OW BITCH WTF WAS DAT FOR? DAMN! I THINK U SLAPPED THE HO OUTTA ME!" loosy sed—she luks down n is still waring a minny skurt n tenk top. "o nvm."

"it to get gild mark of. Duh." Mirrorjane saiz as if ovvyus. Loosy held hir fes n cryed.

"BUT MY GILD MARK ON MY HAND!" she yells, shes so sad and upset.

"not animor loosy luk at ur hand." Loosy luk hand! Hir gildmark gon. Grae n knotu pikked loosy up n threw her out da door.

"don't come bak."

"or will kill u n eat u" mirrorjane adz in a man voyce. Loosy dusted hurself off.

"ITS OK BC I QUIT FERRY TALE!" grae gev her a look.

"bitch r u dum u cant kwit we kikked u out."

"ya I can."

"no, actually u cant wtf"

"I KWIT I DON UT KNEED FERRY TALE." Wit dat she run off crying 2 house. As she reech da rivr she tek her keez from powch and luk at dem.

"I'll show them niggas who is yoosless." SUDDENLY A WILD KEVIN HART APPEARS!

"bitch DID U JUST SAY NIGGA? UR WHITE!" loosy shakes her hed, her eyes big.

"NONONON I PROMISE I DINT." Kevin hart giv her a look then walks off into da sky n disappears into da clowds. Loosy walk inyo her house n sat on da bed. After a wyl she got up n went in her bafroom.

"I ned new luk."

The neckst day loosy wuz still kinda sad but gawt up. She wnet to clozet n saw she dint hav gud enuff cloze dat was badass. She grab munny n went to da mall.

She walk in n saw so much shit she needed she bot black combat bootz, sum wit spyks, she bot lotz of blak skin tite lether leggingz, sum wit rips, n she bot nayv bloo, tite, tenk tops. She den bot a lether crop sleevles vest wit a lite grey hoodie n grey drawtringz. Wen she got howm she d-side she need new hair.

Dar wuz no way in hayl she wuz cutting her buyitiful blawnd hair… so instead she pin da sidez to da back n a middle part wit curlz, n magically she grew hiur hair all da way down to her butt.

"im reddi now."

4 MONTHS L8ER

Loosy walk thru town uv magnoilia n hurd widpurs all around her.

"is dat her?"

"loosy hurtfillia?"

"da water dragin slayr?" loosy turned to fes dem n smiled.

"YA ITZ ME THE 1 N ONLY BOOBOO TAKE PICS NO OTTOGRAPHS; DON'T BE THIRSTY." Erry1 clap essited bc loosy wuz here. She smiled n went wur she waz hedded: ferry tale.

She hadnt bin der in 4 months but she knew it had proly changed. She opened da door slowly n peeked in.

Erryy1 was doin wut dey usually do, knotsu n grae were beeting eechother up, gooviya was drooling ova grae, levee wuz reeding n gosheel wuz workin out. Listana sat wit airzuh n dey talked. Loosy strut n erry1 stawp n luk.

"…loosy? Is dat u?" loosy lukked knotsu n scowled.

"wtf do u think, flamebrain? Oi wut are u blind" knotsu luked taken aback. " n ur breff stank go away." She then stud der as mastir shuk his hed.

"loosy u not aloud bak hear."

"ill do wateva da fuk I want thank u ver bluddy much." Listana got up and wooked ovr 2 loosy.

"its 2 l8 loosy. Knotsu ollreddy propozed 2 me." She showed loosy da huge ring.

"DAMN! THAT THING IS HOOJ!"

"HE GOT IT FROM JARED!" listana sqeelz.

"AAAYYY" loosy approves

"AAAAYYY" listana replies. "n.e. way bish wat u want u lurker?" loosy smiled eviily. Dis is wat she wunt.

"I WANT TO FITE KNOTSU, GRAE, N AIRZUH." Erry1 gasp. "n then I want to kell listana." Erry1 gave loosy a look as airzuh laffed.

"u think ur shitty keez can beet me? Da power uv I FIRE dragin slayer?" loosy bent ova laffing.

"bruuuh ur so funny u think I still do dat nigga?" kevin hart looked at loosy frum de ceiling. Upon seein him loosy gulped n shook hur head. Kevin disapperd into da clouds again.

"wtf do u meen? Ur majickless now? This'll be eazee."

"no. IM A WATA DRAGIN SLAYR." Loosy sed prowdly. Suddinly windy, gosheel, n natsu laffed so hard.

"bitch dragons aint here no more how u learn?" windy sed as ppl luk hir bc she cuzed.

"BITCH I AM A DRAGON! I TOT MYSELF!" loosy screems. Den hir arms turned into dragin wingz n she slap windy across da floor. She den opn her mouth n gt reddy for water roar.

SUDDENLY A WILD GILDFARTZ APPEAR

"NNONONONONON BITCH U AINT A DRAGON SIT UR ASS DOWN !"

"ur not zeref dis isnt ur part"

"BISH I DO WAT I WANT SHUT UP CONNA"

"okay daddy"

"wut"grae sed

"wtf" levee sed

"daddy bish did u call me daddy?" conna slam hur hed down on tebl. "ANYWAY U AINT NO DRAGON BITCH CALM THE F DOWN FOH"

"I SHALL DESTROY FERRYTALE! I WILL TAKE OVA DA WERLD! I AM DA ILLUMINATI NEEYEGGAA!" loosy get reddy to spray da wotter errywhere n kill everybody

SUDDENLY A WILD JAY Z APPEARS!

"uh, oh no hold up bish did u say iluminati? Last time I checked dat was me not u shawty." Knotsu skrunched up his face.

"ew u suk at rapping."

"yung blood how u gunna say I stink, bish pls ur hair is pink."

"ITS SALMON BC SALMON MANLY AF DOE DAYUM BRUH!" knotsu begin cryin "OLWAYZ TRYNA ROSTE A BRUTHA!"

"ok dis chapter too long its six pages" suddenly zeref walk in

"NIGGA WHERE WAS U THIS CHAPTER TOO LONG!" zeref holds up shopping bags frum urban outfitters.

"sale, bitch. ANYWAY THIS CHAPTER IZ OVER! YALL GON LEARN TODAY!" zeref gathers a dark boll of energy but b4 he releese it da illuminati tek over everyone except jay z dies the end.

**Idk tbh**


	7. Chapter 7

WTF is Fairytail On?!

**This fanfiction is rated T for teen because of some language and innuendos. If you get offended lol this is fanfic get over it**

**This is also a semi-parody meaning things will not make sense and I'll purposely write awful and spell names wrong for comedic effect (though I fail at it so I'll just look like an illiterate sh*t)**

**It's mosty a bunch of random shit. It takes place at random times—like it could be before the timeskip sometimes or after it sometimes. I'll usally state the arc or whatever.**

**Hell knows I don't own Fairytail. Belongs to Mr. Hiro Mashima.**

**Chapter 7- MEAN MAGES (mean girls bootleg)**

Hi my nem is loosy n until 2day I wuz homeskooled. Az I walk up 2 ferrytale high I get nervus, wow my furst dai of hi school. I walk by n si ppl doin illegal stuff, ppl burning shit

Damn.

I mek my wai to homeroom.

"HI IM LOOSY" a girl wit dark hairr approach mi

"im conna." A guy with red hur cem up. "and this is low-key. He almost 2 gay to function." I laff a bit.

"its PRONOUNCED LOW-KAY I SWEAR TO… I mean ya hey lol" I gess dese ppl nice.

"who you got next perud, loosy?" I hand conna my schedoole. "o u hav magic improv dat in bak bilding." Low-key giv hir look den smile wen conna smile.

"Ya boo boo we'll tek u der. I mean yea we'll take u der." He saiz

Afta 1st period wi walk past da socca feeld n sit.

"where da bak bildin?" conna get sad look

"afta year 845 da cuhlawsil titin cem n kick it down." Low key shex his hed.

"conna dis aint attak on tiytan. Anyway, holy mavis wud u look jooviya loksir jim owtfit!" it wuz onlee a crop top n soffe shortz.

"ol da plastix wud be in da same jim class…" conna saiz disgusted

"who dat?" I ask.

"dey like teen-mej royalty. If ferrytale wuz sorcerer weekly, dey wud alwayz be on da cover." Low-key saiz az I look them.

"dat little won iz levee micgaurd'n. she now errything about erry1." Conna saiz az levee readz a buk.

"dats y her hair so big it fill ov secrets… she totes rich bc her dad invented etheron." I smile bc dat funny.

"she is jooviya loksir. She is the dumbest girl u will eva meet." Jooviya bownced a socca ball of hir boobs az conna said dat.

"last yir I sat next to her. She axed me how to spell water." I smile at dat. Low-key wuz pretty funny.

"but da wirzt of da plastix… is knotsu drugkneel. He not ur average skank witch wand sucking ho-bag. He much worst.

"WEL BYE GOT TO GO 2 LUNCH C U don't sit wit da plastix." Low-key saiz and her n conna leve.

lunch I get stop by boi wit blon hair.

"wud u lik ur spel mastered?" what does that even mean

"wat?"

"STING U CANT JUST GO TO A PARTY WIT LEVEE AT MY HOWS DEN TRY TO GET WIT DIS GIRL OMG IDC IF IT'S A CRACK PAIRING" knotsu says crossing his arm, he luk fabulus in pink sweter dat match his hair n white mini skirt

"no one even ships levyXsting" da boy saiz, sting I gess. "but erry1 ship stingXlucy" he roll his eye n wok away.

"sit down pesent. Who u?"

"i-g-g-y." I sing.

"what?" sighing I sit. "is butta a carb?" knotsu asks.

"hi im loosy. Im new." Knotsu ax me 2 join da plastix n I do n I get mekover n it so fun n I get a crush on dis boy nem grae in my maff class. I tel levee lunch da same day

" U CANT LIK GRAE DAT KNOTSU EX BAE PLUS NO ONE SHIP GRAYXLUCY IT DA ROOLS OF FEMINISM" levee saiz.

"and shipping" jooviya sayz.

so I mek plan to brake dem up wit help frum conna n low-key bc halloween party knotsu waz suppose to set me n grae up but she didn't bc apparently grayXlucy is gross n frowned upon DAMMIT JUST BECAUSE GEMINI SAID THAT GRAY THOUGHT I WAS "PRETTY DAMN CUTE" DOESN'T MEEN WE TOGETHER BRUH CHILL OUT SHIPPERS anyway we try to get him to go to projection room

"KNOTSU WAIT!" I say chasing afta him "I SORRY I DIDN'T KNOW GRAYxLUCY WUZ BAD SHIP"

" U KNOW WUT ERR1 SAY BOUT U LOOSY? DAT U A LESS HOT VERSUN OFME N U WEAK AND ONLY FOR FANSIRVIS! U CAN TEK APOLOGY N SHUV IT UP BIG, HAIRY" THEN A BUS CAME DAT WUZ DRIVEN BY ZEREF N HIT KNOTSU AAAHH BRUH OH MY OD MAN

"AND DAT HOW REGINA GEORE DIED AHAHAHAH!" zeref screams driving away with knotsu still stuk to da front of da sxhool bus the end

**These are getting terrible lmfao**

**But it was funny to me**


	8. Chapter 8

WTF is Fairytail On?!

**This fanfiction is rated T for teen because of some language and innuendos. If you get offended lol this is fanfic get over it**

**This is also a semi-parody meaning things will not make sense and I'll purposely write awful and spell names wrong for comedic effect (though I fail at it so I'll just look like an illiterate sh*t)**

**It's mosty a bunch of random shit. It takes place at random times—like it could be before the timeskip sometimes or after it sometimes. I'll usally state the arc or whatever.**

**Hell knows I don 't own Fairytail. Belongs to Mr. Hiro Mashima.**

**Chapter 8- Thank You for Dining with Us**

**In a world where Fairytail is actually a popular resturaunt. The main people work there. The service is terrible but the food is gucci ay eff. These are their stories.**

***Law and Order Noise Thingy***

"wer tf did dat noys came frum?" knotsu ask luk up n around, squintin. Loosy shrug n fix her shirt buttn bc master moporoff sed she cudnt do fansirvis n she had to buttin hir shurt all da way up like a prude, frigid, overly-relgious, stuck up, picky, wait wat r we describing again lol

n. erry1 wuz gittin reddy for busy shift.

"I rly need dis muny 4 my rent. I need x-tra tips." She whines.

"OKAY EVERY1 ITS TYM WE GOT A FOOD kRITtIC OUT THER SO TRY NOT 2 LuK STUPD. KNOTSU IM GIVIN U HIS TABLE TO WAIT, LOOSY U SWING BY AND DO CLEAN UP AFTER. GRAE… kep ya cloz on u buffoon" gray nodded and adjust his bo-ty "LITS ROK N RUL" cana went to open da door n immedyetly went to wirk bar wit low-key. Ppl started poorin in as Airzuh and win-D seated dem. Loosy, Jooviya,Grae, Knotsu, Gosheel ya'll on tebel duty GO GO GO!" every1 scurry to wet ppl.

"wat u wunt buffoon" grae ax. The kustomir look shocked but den point at wat dey want. "m see bish u want a salad bc u way like 9999999999 libs ok" he skribble it down and went ovr to da man side. "hbu?"

"uh kan I get a steak w mushroom drizzle?" grase groned.

"I CANOT SPELL ALL DAT U GETIN A PEENUT BUTR JELLY SANWICH BRUH" grae den hurried away. Hiz shurt wuz already gon. Meanwhile gosheel is at his tebel.

"so kan I tek ur order?" it wuz a family, a ma, dad, and 2 kidz.

"Ya my sun wants da chikin fengers por favor" gosheel sighed.

"im srry kid menu 4 11 n under." She says. The mom smiles.

"my sun is only 9." Gosheel fell bakwards.

"bruh" he said. "yo sun like, 675758834 pounds. Sun look like da actual son. Sun so big looking lyk a whale. Sun huge enuff to eat entyr restaurant thought my nig was like, 24." The femily luk offended. "chiken tender 4 yo 24 y slash o sun. fo u?"

"um I'll tek a martinii to drank." Gosheel fel out agin

"bruh" he sed. "yo husbin gei. Yo husbin like, 5665434x gei. Orderin martini's n shit nigga u getin a beer howp u like hynikin." He luk offend but blush. "wut yo ugly dottr want?" he ax. She teer up n begin cry. "shut up or u finna be hongry."

"she'll have da"

"no she gitin a bowl uv woter." Gosheel walked off n took order bak to kishin. The family whispr about him. da kritic wuznt der yet but bak in da kishin things were heetin up. Da camera zoom in on romo cuttin up veggie. Macow, da hed of kishin go up to him.

"U CALL DIS CUTTING VEGTEBBEL? U LIL BITCH DIS VEGETABLE SO DAMN UNCUT I CUD PROB SMOKE IT 42O LOL" he say

"dad pls stop yell im only 13." Macow grab knife n slap romo wit it. "dad ow" macow throw vegetable at romo. "dad plis." Macow grab pot boylin wotter n poor it on romo hand. "DAD omG" macow walk ewey n romo get a new vegtebbel. Da cemera gets a shot of droi sneekin some frozen stek. Jit see him.

"BRUH WYD DAT STEAK FRoZiN AY EfF IT SO FRoZiN IT SINGIN LET IT GO" droi shush him and et da frozen stake anyway. Jit shek his hed n go bak 2 sos dutee. He stir da sos n is kawnfidint he think it smel gud. Macow cem up n test it.

"EW NIGGA THIS SOS NASTY AY EFF WTF" macow tek da sos n poor it down jit wyt pants. "AND U ON UR PEERIOD GIT UR LYF TOGEDDER B" jit held n sobs.

"srry macow"

"NO I SRY U ENT GOT A TAMPON U IMBISSIL" macow walk ewway mutterin. He go ovr 2 lakey. He test hir dezert wish is choko cake.

"hm It taste gud gud job."

"ya I used different resipe." He grabbed da plate n smak her wit ti

"NAH NEVA USE NEW RESIPLE OLWAYS FOLOW 1ST MASTA RESIPE RBUH" den he tuk sume chokolit sos n throw it in her fes. Macow wuz fid up.

"YOLL WE GAWT FOOD KRITIC CUMMIN 2DAY GET WIDIT!" he shout. He poor dishwata on da flo n push jooviya on et as she wok by so sh slid n fell.

"OW! Jooviya haz hirt on her ass"

"GET YO ASS UP TEK DAT PLAIT" she git up n tek plet.

n.e. wei outsid stuff wuz gown well. Win-D wuz seetin ppl.

"so kan we sit der?" dey ask.

"no" she say

"it gud reezon kan we plis"

"no."

"but I hav a medikul condishin will burst into flames if I too closee to window n son"

"no sit nigga damn here ya menu sum1 wil be her idc" she wok away as da man birst into flems n screem. Win-D turn rown, luk him n shrug lol wuznt her bisness *drink tee*

In fact no one in da restirant paid attenshun dey 2 bussy eetin hekka gud food B so da man jus died n turn to ash even his wife jus lukup n call waitir too kleen it up. Meenwhile loosy wok by tebel.

"KAN I GET A RIFELL"

"no"

"but I owt of lemminaid"

"n I owt of fux 2 give thenk u" loosu keep wokin n to kishin to go pik up ordir.

levee is in his erea wen a womin skreem

"OH GOD MY HUSBIN CHOKIN" levee wok ova 2 tebel n stop n luk at da man. His fes red n he coffin up as he hit hi ches. levee wok away lyk she didn't see.

Knotsu is still wettin for kritic but stell has tebbel.

"uh sur wen u tuk da chek u nevr gev bak mi card haha" knatsu stop n look directly at dem

"ya" he say "I kno"

"but it mi card" da woman say

"no" knotsu wok away wit card n hand to go put n his wollet. A man wistle to get his attenshun "UM EXKUSE U I AM NOT A DAWG he say. He knock ova swet tea all ova da table n poor da mash potato in hir lap "bitch try me again" he tuk da man spryt n begin drinkin it. He wok off.

Meenwhile meenwhile at bar conna is chillin lyk a villin. She giv man his drink. He tek one sip.

"dis drink is immaculate" he sey conna smyls she drink out man drink

"ik lol" she drenk entire drink. His fes luk disgust he leev to get up. "sir u got pay fo dat"

"I dint even get to"

"sir" she say

"U DRENK IT"

"sir plis"

"I DINT DRINK NONE"

"sir we wil have to cal pulees if u donut pai 4 drink." He siy n hond conna muny. She fix hirself anotha drink. Low-key hand leddy hir drink.

"uh yung man, low-key dis wrong drink dis only woter" she say. He roll his eyes n throw da wotter n her fes.

"lol jk" he hand her a towwel n new, betir, yummy, get turnt drank.

"HOW IS DIS 5 PAJES OLREDDY WHERE DA KRITIC" moporoff ax

SUDDINLY A WILD ZERED APPERS he pantin

"IM HERE IM HERE" he say. He sit n knotsu pull out cher for him.

"mr. Critc, sir welcome. I will be your waitor this evening." Zeref looked impressed.

"Can I get you something to drink?"

"Yes sir you can. What would you like?"

"Um, Bourbon would be nice." Natsu nodded and left him with the menu. _Wow. This place is great, even the story's grammar has greatly improved. _

Natsu came back but tripped over a ladies foot and she knocked over a candle. The table caught on fire and the fire started to spread. The whole restura OH SHIT NIGA DAM A FYR *narrarator leaves*

**We don't really know how it ends bc the narrarator left. But according to wikipedia, the resturaunt burned down, terrible grammar was restored, and the 24 year old boy never got his chicken tenders. **

**The only person who escaped the fire was Romeo.**

**He used the insurance money to open a Sewing Shop called Sew F*ckin Cute and start a Sewing class for troubled teens.**

**happy holidaiz**


	9. Chapter 9

WTF is Fairytail On?!

**This fanfiction is rated T for teen because of some language and innuendos. If you get offended lol this is fanfic get over it**

**This is also a semi-parody meaning things will not make sense and I'll purposely write awful and spell names wrong for comedic effect (though I fail at it so I'll just look like an illiterate sh*t)**

**It's mosty a bunch of random shit. It takes place at random times—like it could be before the timeskip sometimes or after it sometimes. I'll usally state the arc or whatever.**

**Hell knows I don 't own Fairytail. Belongs to Mr. Hiro Mashima.**

**Chapter 9- Ho don't do it**

**The terms in this story are modern slang/ghetto/urban terms or whatever. You should google them if you don't know what it is for full affect. After this chapter I will probably change the rating to M bc of the language.**

"And dat iz y I ware crop tawp." Loosy tellz her friendz. Thay all nod n tek notes.

"do u reelize u look like a whore?" airzuh ax.

"a harlot?" grae ads.

"a prostithot?" knotsu sez. Loosly flips her buwtifull hair and simpers.

"but im pretty so I don't matta." She say. Suddenly romo walk in.

"IT EMERJENC!" HE SHRIEKS

"WAT? WAT HAPPEN ROMO?" knotsu ax, ready 2 fite.

"A HUGE MONTSA IS TEKKEN OVA TOWN!" he cries az stonkest teem gets reddy to turn up. Loosy gets her keys and flips her hair 555 times. They run 2 town square where a giant monster is destroyinh shit like he is wrecking THE FUCK out of this town like my god fam is mad af

Anyway

Airzuh rekwip into strongest armor n knotsu n grae r in stance. Loosy get key reddy.

"Loosy what r u doin? U cannot fite like us." She shakes her head and gets into stance.

"I WILL TRY! I WILL FITE FOR FRENS! FOR MAGNOLIA!" she screams to the sky.

"bitch why r u screaming?" knotsu asks annoyed. Loosy shrugs and gets bak into stance.

"OPEN, GATE OF" she begins

"ho don't do it" airzuh warns her.

"BULL"

"oh my god" grae finishes. Az soon az torris coms out he is knoked away by da monster

"LOL BITCH U THOUGHT BITCH" the monster was talking! English!

"IT SPEAK ENGLISH?" grae is so shocked and surprised.

"duh nigga I just did tf u deaf or no" he says squintin at grae before kicking a bulding all da way across the world and blowing fire into the air "U see dis heat, itz frum my mixtape and da only way to defeet me is to beet me in a TURNT BATTLE" airzuh laughs out loud. She rolls on the ground.

"u fool! That will be easy! U r no match for me and my fire skwad!" she rekwip into a hot turnt outfit. She wear jordinz and a hoodie dat said _fairy gang trap _on da back and legginz. Loosy were it 2. Grae, romo n knotsu were joggers n jordinz n hoodiez dat say _fairy gang fly or die._

"nigga them jordinz fake." The monster liez bc he salty af. Knotsu laffs.

"whateva B. we finna kik ur ass." Grae get a boombox and puts on a fya beat. _Rae Sremmud begiz 2 play._ The monster killz a lady who is runnin and screamin. "LETS GOOOO!" airzuh begins to lead the skwad. First she hit sum trap moves. Grae, romo, n knotsu hit that fire ass whip behind her as loosy twerks.

"DAMN SUN WHERE U FIND DAT ONE?" maccow axe excited.

"AAYYY AYYY AYY AYYYY WHIP!" den dey all break into a floor whip as the monster scoffz n looks at hiz nailz.

"boo pls. my turn. U cant beat me. The monzter hit dat nae nae cauzin an earthquake. He den duz da worm. Erry1 from ferrytale booz. A juj tebl is set up. The jujes r jazon frum sorser wikly, lahr, and dat otha guy from grand majik games you know with the weird small face and weird hair and obnoxious voice lets call him faceass, yeah anyway

Dey write down notez.

"but look at da monzta tekneek… way betta and cleener…"lahr write down.

"itz soo coooool" jazon chant. Faceass grins.

"AND LUK! HE GETTING BAK UP, THINGZ R HEATIN UP!" faceass rorz.

"skwad ASSIMBLE!" the monsta chants b4 doing a few movez. Soon sum monsta hooliginz show up and they wilin so they all chant and break into dance as well. They hit dat fleek az jerk.

"WOW COOOOOL! DA SAVAGE MONSTA CREW IS GETTING TURNT AF COOOL!" jazon chants, cozzin da audiyins to cheer exciteldly.

"LEVEE NOW!" levee run onto field werin matchin outfit except spandex shortz n twerk next to loosy az romo throw cash on dat

The crowd n juj go wild. Grae n knotsu roll around on da floor break dancin.

"HO HO AY AY AYY HO HUUH AYYYYYY MY N WORD GRAEEE!" knotsu chants. Airzuh jus cross her arm n smirk.

"and wut iz dis move? It seemz dey are formin a pirrimid!" faceazz chantz. dey form a triangle pyramid n mirror jane comez through usin da powa of illuminati curtesee of j-z who could not attend da event bc he iz on tor. She duz a killa whip mid air on top of da pyramid and then duz sum rad ass flips n cool shit.

"DEEEZZ NUTTSSSSS" she yells all turnt and hyped, at da monzta crew as dey fall bak.

"OOOOOOHHHHHHHH" the audiyins iz so amzed she kilt that ahh

"oh but what is this? It seems something is happening!" lahr sayz. suddenly a dark cloud appir n da monzterz behin dancin in perfect sync n OMG ZEREF DA KING OF SAVAGE TURNTNESS APPEARZ. He flip his hair and wipe his knose wit swag b4 hitiing THE MOST POWERFUL AS FRICK SAVAGE WHIP HOLY SHIT THIS WHIP ABOUT TO DESTROY THE ENTIRE DAMN UNIVERSE DAMN FAM

"WOOAAAAAHH I BET EDOLAS FELT THAT!" faceass cheerz

"COOOOOOLLLLL!" jazon say b4 his soul leave his bodee. The monstas continue dancing in sync fasta n fasta n

"LOOK AT THE FLICK OF THE RIST!" one chants

"FLICK OF THE RIST AYYY SKKIIIRRR!" the audience chantz hyped af. Airzuh becomes panikd.

"there is no way we can win now. Der only 1 way…" she begin 2 cry. She duz amazin dance move that so cool so rad so amazing jazon come back to life. She finishes with a flip dat is 55555 feet in da air n landz on da ground in split.

"ho don't do it" moporoff screamz. Airzuh tek a deep breth n snap her finger

"Oh my god" he falls back onto da ground. SHE HAZ UNLEASHED DA ULTIMATE HYPED ASS SAVAGE POWER DAT FINNA BLOW THESE MONSTAS AWAY

Everyone on her turnt skwad getz in position. Levee and loosy r mid twerk, romo n grae are doin head stands on top of dere booties, knotsu iz standin on romo and grae feet doing da jerk so fast like no one can even c him omg he so fast shit he on dat usuain bolt statis

Anyway

They all chant

"FAIIRRRYYY LAAWWWWWWWWWWWWW"

"COOOOOOLLL COOOOOOOLLL" jazon sayz az bright light is so bright and knotsu dances faster EVEN FASTER BRUH LIKE EVEN FASTA AND SO FAST HE START A FIRE AND START RAPPIN HIS MIXTAPE AND ITS SO MUCH DAMN HEAT THE MONSTAZ BEGIN TO VAPORIZE INTO THIN AIR

ZEREF NOTIS N BECOME PANIC SO HE LOOK AROUND

"S-SORRY NOT TODAY BITCH BYE! U THOUGHT BITCH!"

He snap his fingerz nthe monsters r back and they cheat so they win and they destroy the entire town and j-z is so mad that the power of the illuminati waz waizted the end

* * *

**yall i laughed so hard making this omg i couldnt breathe im corny af**


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